Life - Are we doing it all?

‘bhebe dekhechho ki

Tara rao joto alok borsho durey,

Aro durey,

Tumi r ami jai krome shorey shorey?’

Something within me unleashes all bottled up tears whenever I listen to this band anthem. Takes me to a place, where I see myself gradually moving away from the ones I love. Forever.

No I do not mean death. I mean, I do not mean just, death. Is it just loss of life that takes our loved ones away from us? I suppose not. I will tell you why I feel this way.

Some lessons in life are grueling, but they guide you forever, in whatever you do. Somewhat like learning the alphabet in nursery. Helps you all your life, doesn’t it?

Misfortune states clearly whom you should trust and whom you must discard, for good. This task of straining may subject you to huge pain during the learning process, but once the avoidables are separated, what you feel is nothing less than richer. For now you know who your real treasures are.Yes, misery is a sieve that sifts out the redundant; filters and keeps the important. Period.

People who love me unconditionally, know how I feel about my life at the moment. They understand why I do, what I do and when I do them. That in itself is so relaxing isn’t it? When you can just be yourself and not pretend that you are the happiest on the planet.

The other day I was speaking to my husband’s distant elderly cousin over the phone. We were speaking about his favourite songs, his favourite dishes, my daughter, my responsibilities, my thoughts on our future etc etc. A very general conversation that made us break in tears, often and then, end on a very beautiful note. Before hanging up I remember telling her, ‘If there is even a single person in my life who knows what is tearing me apart, who understands why it is taking me so long to laugh my heart out, or who tries to feel what lies beyond my silences, bearing this cross will be much easier for me’. Not to mention, she is one of them.

I have seen close ones drift away in the last few years. Ones that I considered indispensable and expected will at least give me a quick hug before they move on with their lives. They didn’t. Some probably misplaced my number. A few must have misplaced me. In their choc-a-bloc daily schedules. Yes, it hurts but I do not blame them. Not one bit.

You know why? Cause they have no idea about what it is like. And I can only pray that they never ever experience anything that gives them an idea. Yes, grief purifies you. Washes ill-feeling away. Makes you a better human being. Asks you to analyze before you criticize. And once you gauge the immense possibilities of why some have chosen to move away, and some, never showed up, you simply feel happy for the smiles in their lives. And it ends there. And you, move on. 

As it is, we are not meant to be with each other for eternity. Our times are set and one may have to leave before the other. And then shall begin a new ‘moving away’. Many thousand light-years away. Our roads might never ever meet again. For who knows whether souls living in separate worlds can ever span the light-years between them.

When I learnt that my husband is no more, the thought that struck me was, ‘Okay, so as long as I live this life from this moment, I shall never get to see you again. Living. For now, you are ‘no more’, and people will, henceforth, refer to you as a soul. Without a human frame. Moving light-years away from the earth. From us’.

THIS life is all we have to stay close to the one we love. Do something nice, say something beautiful, write a poem, spread a smile, share a joke, gift a rose, or simply watch a show together. The idea is just to share what you still have and many don’t – life.

For once we get the ‘no more’ tag stuck on our pulse, there is no coming back. To give that one tight hug, or making that one call to say how much you always cared.

No bridging the light-years between a ‘no more’ and a ‘still there’.

Bridge it. While you're 'still there'.